MBI and Me

When we first moved to Minnesota, we kicked around the idea of marching in Minnesota Brass, a senior Drum and Bugle Corps located in Minneapolis. We were childless, had the time and missed marching. But then we had Jules and the idea was pushed aside.

Fast forward 3 years – we now have a toddler who isn’t tied to me anymore and we’re both interested in doing it, so why not? We inquired about the 2012 season and we were welcomed at the open house. Since then, we’ve been going to Wednesday night rehearsals and at this point, have committed to marching this summer.

Sounds like it could be fun, but I’m not really excited. For one, rehearsals are still very basic – lots of fundamentals and tosses I haven’t done in years, all of which I need to brush up on but it gets boring when there isn’t anything new to learn. We’ve learned one fun, short flag routine and that gave me hope I’ll enjoy the summer. But I still get angry. Angry that I can’t do these things easily anymore. As a past instructor, I’m angry that people talk excessively during rehearsal. I’m frustrated that I’m not getting corrected as I should be. I’m excited when something does come back and I can do it. But then I’m angry at myself again because I’m sure it looked terrible and I’m slow to pick it up. I’m embarrassed that I’m one of the oldest members of the group and yet I have difficulty getting some of the work down. I go through so many emotions during rehearsal that I’m questioning my decision to participate and want to quit, but then I think how that would impact the group.

The schedule sounds easy: one night a week and every other weekend camp. But with a child at home, I’m worried I’ll never see him. I stress over making sure he’s taken care of while we do this. I stress over a full summer schedule, taking vacation days for shows and just getting regular life coordinated with marching. So it’s not as simple as it sounds.

I hope once we start to learn the show and that I’m not glossed over at rehearsal, I’ll have a better time. But right now – I’m just not feeling it.

(As a side note: When I went to Phantom Regiment, I was very excited to audition and march. While I wasn’t at the top of my skill set yet (after one year at Regiment, I was exceedingly better) I had determination, but I was young and had no real responsibilities. However, I struggled my first year. I was terrible. I had a terrible time on tour and wanted to go home. But I stuck it out and ended my first year with a bang and couldn’t wait to come back. Which I did!

All I can do is try my hardest this time around and hope this turns out to be the same situation.)

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