Football Queens

The Minnesota Vikings; they aren’t very good this year. And for those of you who keep up with it better than I do, you know more than I do. So don’t scold me for what I’m about to say (ahem, MEG). I call them the ViQueens because they play like the two years I played High School Powder Puff Football, girl style (Junior and Senior girls).

It’s sad really. This is a professional team, getting millions of dollars, to spend on boat trips with hookas, and I did it for free, twice, no hookers involved. Unless you count the class hookers, we all had one or two. I also lost both years but I played for the game! I was outside line-backer both years. I couldn’t run fast (that’s why I got pulled out a lot) and I was scared of first, the Seniors, second the Juniors. These girls were tough! How did that happen? Somehow my class got passed over for toughness. Sad I know.

I had a lot of friends on the Senior team my Junior year but some of them were big girls. Not fat, just butch. It shouldn’t have been scary because it was flag/touch football but it was. What gave me the idea to do it the next year?

So the Seniors won and we got shaving cream all over us. Not only was the score something pathetic, they had to embarrass us again with shaving cream in front of all the teachers, fellow students and parents. Somehow this was allowed at my school. Seems wrong when you think back. Bitches.

And by the next year I think my class made history by being the only Senior class to lose to the Juniors. Bitches. Now that was a shame. But the ViQueens know about shame. With the loss of Randy Moss, they thought the shame he brought would be gone. But somehow they managed to come up with their own problems, without Randy. On the field shame with Dante (my man!) with like a million turn-overs every game. Sadly he’s out now, what a shame. And then the latest shame of a ‘boat party.’ Of course I don’t know all the details and I don’t know if I ever will. I’m sure MEG could chime in with that.

But Queens, don’t fret. I once sucked too at football. The season isn’t over and you beat Green Bay recently. So take that victory and stop playing like girls or I’ll have to get the shaving cream out.

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