No I haven’t been giving my 2-year-old wine, scotch, or beer. The point is, I don’t have to. She acts like a drunk 24/7. If you don’t believe me, I present for your amusement, the ways a 2-year-old is like a drunk…
They’re easily incited. If a chant is started, they’ll quickly join in, whether or not the chant goal meets their needs, they just want to join in the fun.
They slur their speech. New parents and greek house members quickly catch on to drunk-ese and can translate for those who are otherwise intelligently sober.
They will repeat themselves ad nauseum. You will likely have to verbally acknowledge what they’re saying or simply tell them to be quiet to get them to stop.
They’re riding an emotional roller-coaster. One moment it’s hysterical laughter, the next moment they’re crying uncontrollably. Your particular drunk (or 2-year-old) may have a propensity for anger and violence. Steer clear or you might get hit, slapped, punched, kicked, or bitten.
They think they can dance. This is the single most entertaining thing about drunks and 2-year-olds. I could watch a toddler dance all day long. I myself have thought I could dance on occasion while inebriated. I’m sure the others around me were both embarrassed and delighted by the spectacle.
It’s just a matter of time before they’ll fall down. I actually like to play a game when I see a toddler running. I simply count. I keep counting until they fall down. It’s usually not more than 60 seconds. 30 seconds is a good run, but sooner or later they’ll hit the pavement. Drunks aren’t much different but they have a greater mastery of the ‘wobble.’ They’ll use whatever is at their disposal: walls, sign-posts, furniture, other people – to stay upright.
It’s also just a matter of time before they pee themselves.
Be safe when you’re drinking folks and take care of yo’ babies!
My son Jules loves trains. I like trains too and my enthusiasm was probably the seed that grew into his obsession. My good friend Joe bought Jules a copy of “Trainz Railroad Simulator” for Christmas a year ago. It was in the bargain bin at Mills Fleet Farm:
Still at $180, I wasn’t about to buy the Train Cab Controller, which would certainly make the game infinitely more complex for a 5 year old. Trainz has a “DCC mode” which allows you to control the trains very simply like they are model trains: with a dial.
When it arrived, I downloaded and installed their driver software. It renders terribly in Windows 7 (it was probably last updated for Windows XP):
The “click” and “long click” actions are hidden in the interface (you can only see 4 at a time). But they’re there, you just need to highlight an action, and arrow down until you get to others.
For the Trainz Simulator setup, I added the following settings:
Rotate Right: Send Key – W (forward)
Rotate Left: Send Key – X (reverse)
These keys control the forward/reverse dial in the game. I set the sensitivity fairly high (see screenshot) so a turn of the Powermate would closely match what you saw onscreen.
Click: Send Key – S (stop)
Long Click: Send Key – A (apply brake)
“S” stops the train by putting the dial immediately back to zero, so a quick click is an easy way to stop. Trains are heavy though and the “A” key normally applies the brake, so I added a long click action to apply the brake – I like to think of the long click like pressing the brake pedal in a car.
Enjoy
It works exactly as I imagined: simple! You can see the “dial” on the screen and the Powermate glowing under Jules’ hand that now controls it. Easy peasy.
Both the Griffin Powermate and Trainz Simulator (newer versions) are available for Mac OSX so Apple loving trainiacs won’t be left out.
What the heck is an S24O? It’s an acronym invented by famed Rivendell Bicycle builder Grant Peterson. It stands for Sub-24 Hour Overnight and he writes about it in his book “Just Ride”. Put simply, it’s a bike overnight where you’re gone for less than 24 hours. Since it’s short and you travel by bike, it limits the amount of “crap” you can bring.
I (possibly foolishly) convinced my family to embark on a 16 mile bike ride to the nearest campground, at Rice Creek Chain of Lakes Park Preserve. It wasn’t foolish because we lacked the muscle or equipment to undertake this endeavor, it was foolish for other reasons… Continue reading →
Getting There
A month before we embarked, I scoped out the route. This was good because the trails in Anoka County are extremely poorly marked. I got lost no less than 5 times. Plus I found two shortcuts that weren’t offered by Google Maps which would shorten the distance.
I made a time-lapse of my scouting trip using my GoPro:
We chose to actually go from Friday to Saturday – so we could have a full day of recovery before work on Monday. One thing about leaving early afternoon Friday that I didn’t anticipate was rush hour traffic – I work from home so I’ve purposely forgotten most of the drudgery of “regular” daily life. Traffic wasn’t especially bad, but it felt like everyone behind the wheel had some pent up angst.
An old bike-commuting coworker once told me that morning traffic is much more agreeable than afternoon traffic. People can use you as an excuse to be late to work. They’ll drive politely, and then can twist the blame if their boss asks. “I was late because of bicyclists.” But in the afternoon they need to get home, or else.
So we got buzzed by a couple of jerks that needed to get on the freeway ASAP, only to crawl along the interstate at the beginning of rush hour. Meanwhile, crossing the interstate meant we were onto the trail, so long suckers!
What to Bring
With the route set, I knew to allot around 2 hours for riding (plus breaks) so we could schedule accordingly. But what to bring? Some things were obvious, but what do you omit and what are must-haves? Here is what our packing list looked like:
Shelter, clothes & bedding
1 Tent
3 Sleeping bags
3 Small pillows
Toothbrushes & toothpaste
Minimal clothes for the next day
Fire & food
Lighter & newspaper
Firewood purchased at campground
Grill grate at campsite
Picnic table at campsite
1 Cooking pot
1 Skewer for hot dogs and marshmallows
4-person tableware set
Hot dogs & s’mores for dinner
Bacon & eggs, with instant coffee for breakfast
Other
Flashlight (bike light)
Multi-tool (knife/scissors)
Paper towels and/or baby wipes
Bug spray
We identified a couple of things that we need to better the trip next time. One was a lantern for hanging out at the picnic table. My bike light is bright, almost too bright. It was sort of like being in the interrogation room with it shining right at you.
Also, a camp-dedicated cooking pot would be nice. Our normal kitchen one went home looking like it had endured the worst, now scorched and soot-covered.
But that’s the best part of the S24O – if you forgot something, you’ll live. You can remember it for next time and not worry because you’re there for less than a day.
Our S24O looks a lot like car camping, minus the car:
The Romper Room
My wife warned me about camping with a 16 month old. We had just come off a month-long stint of Jessi’s mom staying with us and helping out with the kids. Grandma had been sharing a room with our 16 month old Marlo, and they had gotten into a good nighttime routine with minimal interruptions.
I assumed her sleeping habit had gotten to a point where Marlo would go to sleep when tired, and she’d respect everyone else in the tent, just like she did when she was in her crib and grandma was in her bed in the same room.
Boy was I wrong.
Jessi went to bed with the baby around 8PM. But Marlo had no intentions of sleeping. The sheer thought of everyone in this nylon fabric box sent her into a frenzy. She scooted and climbed all over everyone with laughter and cheers. At several points no one could contain their own laughter because she was laughing and clapping joyously. This lasted for 3 HOURS. 11PM was the magic hour when laughter turned to tears, and a few minutes being held by mom turned into everyone finally getting some rest.
But the sleep was not good, because I have a 2-man tent and we were 4 – two adults and two of the wildest, tossing-est, turning-est children ever. Then once we did fall asleep we were awoken by the sounds of a meddling raccoon. That bastard stole the last of the s’mores! Judging by his heft, he didn’t need any more s’mores 🙂
Turns out both my parents and Jessi’s parents have similar horror stories of going camping with children of a similar age. Some of those children may have been me. But we didn’t hear these stories until we returned and told how our own trip unraveled. I guess the next generation is doomed to repeat the same mistakes.
Even though some parts weren’t “fun,” we’ll surely remember it forever, and always tell the tale. As Grant Peterson put it:
If they hate it, it’s only a night, and they’ll still be proud as they brag to their friends how much they hated it, and they’ll be secretly glad they did it.
When you want to carry some stuff beyond a 6-pack of beer on your bike, trailers are the way to go. Minneapolis, being the bike-friendly city it is, is home to the “Little Red Trailer” – a neat little trailer that’s made from recycled wood.
David of Dayworks Inc. builds sets for theater productions, and when it’s time to strike, he uses the wood to fashion the trailer. It has a metal frame at the base and 12″ pneumatic tires. Continue reading →
It comes with a rudimentary, yet versatile mounting system which can hook up to virtually any bike. It has evolved over time, so the one you receive may not look exactly like the one in my older photos or other reviews.
Making All Trailers Interchangable
In some of the photos in this article, you’ll see the trailer hitch mount in its original form. But shortly after purchasing a used Chariot trailer, I realized how convenient it would be if both my and Jessi’s bikes could interchangeably tow either the Chariot or the Red Trailer.
I really liked the Chariot mounting system, so I contacted David at Dayworks and he supplied me with a “virgin” hitch-arm. I purchased a Chariot Axle-Mount ezHitch Upgrade to add to the hitch-arm. It includes almost everything needed to adapt the trailer, except an extra-long bolt to secure the lollipop, which can be easily purchased from the hardware store.
The only issue was the “lollipop” that Chariot uses is smaller in diameter than the tube steel of the Red Trailer hitch-arm. So I went to the hardware store and browsed for some suitable PVC pipe to act as an adapter. The one that worked for me was this:
3/4″ x 6″ PVC Riser
With some sanding I was able to get it into the hitch-arm tube. Then I drilled a hole through both the hitch arm and the adapter for the lollipop fastener bolt, which also holds the lock pin, safety strap, and D-ring. Here you can see it installed with all the accouterments:
Lollipop with adapter, lock pin, and safety strap attached.
Putting it to use
I initially got this trailer to get propane refills from the local convenience store – the trailer can accommodate 2 propane tanks. But I shortly realized it can do so much more. It really opens a world of what you can carry via bicycle.
I’ve gone to the hardware store and returned with multiple 5-gallon buckets full of gardening or syruping supplies.
More often that not, I use it to shuttle goods between my parents house and my own. It’s carried several bike parts including a complete kid’s bike:
On one one trip to my parents, I spotted a rad retro-style ottoman at a garage sale. It was only $5 and I already had the trailer, so I just added it to my cargo.
It’s great for a large grocery trip – it can carry up to 4 bags.
While the trailer explicitly recommends against carrying animals, I’ve done it. Once you start moving past 10MPH, the excitement of fresh air and the fear of jumping out keep the dog in place.
I don’t normally go into gushy personal stuff here, but since publish day lands on my wedding anniversary with Jessi, I thought it was appropriate. Also, our gift giving seems to be at a stalemate this year as neither of us really wants anything, besides “your extra time and your… KISS!
We try to keep record of what we did in an anniversary journal, at least when it comes to what we did on our anniversary date and what gifts we exchanged. Those minor details often trigger memories of what was going on in our lives at that point.
Often times we forget to actually write stuff down, so when we go fill stuff in years later, it may resemble fiction more than fact. Sometime we rack our brains on what gifts we previously exchanged – and how sadly they must not have been great if we can’t remember. But the gifts themselves (or their longevity) aren’t what I’m concerned with, it’s the memory we associate with them.
One recent memory that really resonates with me is that Jessi is a strong woman.
In 2012 (one of the years missing from our journal) I convinced her to march Minnesota Brass with me. She proved that she is still the strong woman she always has been by working hard and doing her job. She wound up being voted the colorguard “rookie of the year” which she rightfully earned.
In 2013 she gave birth to our second child, a beautiful girl. Jessi proved again during delivery she is still as strong as ever. I thought we were going to be “those people” having the baby in the car. Jessi labored so much at home, by the time we got to the hospital, labor was 90% over. No time to waste, let’s have a baby!
In 2014 we rode the St. Paul Bike Classic. I always talk Jessi into doing one of the local bike tours around our anniversary. This year she rode all the way up Ramsey Hill. I know it seems like a silly feat of strength but she actually did it. I never have, and I’m the guy that’s always talking about bikes. So I did the walk of shame once again and Jessi got to stand on top of the world as the powerful woman she is.
