Four Canadian’s

David Sedaris was awesome, as expected. The line to have my book signed, however, wasn’t. Neither were the EXTREMELY annoying girls (probably my age, but so irritating like teens) in front of us for the ENTIRE 80 minutes. I only had one outlet for my frustration, a post-it note with my name on it which a woman gave me so David would know how to spell my name.

My post-it said:

Dear Lord! The people in front of me are FUCKING annoying! Please be my slave monkey and bitch slap them!

Monkey slave = a story he read that night.

He kept my post-it for his diary. No hitting on Justin this time. No witty comments. Maybe he felt really sorry for me because he had just met the super annoying girls. He only had to deal with them for 55 seconds. I had them for over 80 minutes.

One husband was short and fat and wore a 40×28 and apparently no pants are made for his size. They miss CBC. “I’m SOOOO going to tell David that you took one of his books back cause you didn’t like it.” “Echh, that’s gross.” “Ok, I’ve been standing here long enough to use my lip balm 4 times!”

And their laughs. Hideous, screeching, echoing, cat-like screaming. Oh the headache just thinking of it.

He did say something about people trying to be comedians after seeing one.

He started writing this in my book before we even spoke: “Dear Jessi, your story touched my heart. David Sedaris.”

Maybe he knew. Probably not.

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