A Call To All Target Lovers

I love Target. I always have and always will. And what makes it even better, I’ve married into Target! Justin loves it just as much as I do, if not more. His whole family is a Target family. How could I have married into Target you ask? Well, Justin’s dad works for Target Corporation. We like to tell people he has a cool job like stock boy or electronic center guy. But he’s just an architect for Target. Boring! He doesn’t know when things go on sale or if they are going to get that new handheld instant chat thing that Justin is always looking for.

Ok I take all that back. Justin’s pop does have a pretty cool job and a sweet discount. We like to take advantage of it when we are visiting or he’s visiting us. We tend to go to Target at least 3 times in a 3 day visit. That’s average. It might seem a little excessive to some, but not to us.

A few years ago while living in Utah, Target came out with SuperTarget. Oh my garage! This was the best of both worlds. I could mill around the regular Target side while I thought about what was for dinner. Then move over to the Super side and grab some food. Justin’s dad told me that no matter what time of day you go to the SuperTarget for some produce, you will always get the best of the best. And it’s true. No crappy banana’s, no limp looking asparagus and no bruised apples. So I could go in there with a blind fold on and just reach and it would be the best. I loved it!

But then I moved. So recently I e-mailed Target to find out when they are going to build a SuperTarget by me (and only me, forget all you up in North Las Vegas!). And their prompt reply just shows you their dedication to all SuperTarget fans:

Dear J. *****,

We’re glad to hear you want a SuperTarget store in Las Vegas area.
Interest from SuperTarget fans like you is a major factor we consider when
we decide to build a new store.

As you might imagine, a lot of work goes into determining where and
when to build a Target store. A lot of people in the private and
government areas get involved and it may take months or even years to build a
store. Right now we’re evaluating other areas in the continental United
States, but don’t worry – I’ll be happy to pass along your suggestion to
our Real Estate team for review.

Have questions about Target stores, products or service? You can give
us a call at (800) 440-0680, or visit us on Target.com. Either way,
we’re happy to help.

Thanks for your interest in shopping with us. I hope we’ll see you soon
at a Target near you.

Sincerely,

Benny
Target Guest Relations
www.target.com
[THREAD ID:1-143065]

I don’t think that Benny understands how much I want a SuperTarget here. First off, there are very few in the Western United States and there is plenty of land out here to build a few of them. Has he seen Nevada? Come on! And I’m sure his real estate team isn’t even going to see this e-mail. He’s trashing it as we speak!

Since Benny was no help at all, I ask all of my friends, readers, co-workers and whoever else to go to Target.com and send them an e-mail asking them when we are going to get a SuperTarget out here.

Now I have to go and make some banana bread because my banana’s are bruised. 🙁

20th Century vs. 21st Century

I bet you can guess what this is about. We (and I mean Justin and I) are in the midst of a hilarious argument right now (not as I’m typing, but in general). He wants to make our brand-new home a ‘smart-home.’ I say cool as long and I know how to work everything–without having to take a course. But so far that has not been the case.

Upstairs is what I like to call ‘the 20th century.’ A place where I know everything works. I don’t care if I have a remote for my DVD player, my t.v., my cable, and *gasp* my VCR. I know how to use it all and it has never failed me. Unless you count the time the old VCR kept eating my Star Wars tape. It chewed it up so bad that the tape broke and I had to hack the case to fix it–3 times! So I threw that VCR out and got another one. I know, I know VCR’s are so old and dated, but I don’t care, I’ve got some great movies on tape and I don’t want to have to buy a DVD. I don’t care about quality, I care that it works! So don’t try to convince me otherwise. You can’t tape a dvd when it breaks.

The 20th Century works, but downstairs is a different story. That’s the 21st Century and it doesn’t work as well. It’s not ‘Jessi friendly.’ First off, there is no VCR. How the heck am I supposed to watch Home Alone or Fargo or Strange Brew ? Yes, again I understand that I can now get these movies on DVD, but again, I don’t care. So that’s problem #1-no VCR. Problem #2 is bigger than number 1, but VCR is pretty big. #2 is you have to use a keyboard to change the channel! Ya, I’m totally not kidding! Basically you have to be a computer programmer to watch t.v. in the 21st century.

I spent all day upstairs today working on the computer. But when Justin got home I wanted to watch a little Seinfeld while cooking dinner. Um, impossible when the keyboard is upstairs being used. And even if I did have a keyboard, I still had no clue how to change the channel! It’s very sad.

20th Century Good (everything works):

21st Century Bad (notice the keyboard and all the programmer jargon on the screen, that’s where I’m supposed to watch t.v.):

We both agreed that this was called ‘Get-Tivo.’ I think the Dell box posing as a t.v. stand gives it away.

I’m sure one day I will come to love it as much as my VCR. I know it won’t eat the tapes, but just like any other computer, it can crash. So nothing is safe. I will admit that when Justin gets a remote, makes the font bigger, and programs it to act just like cable then I’ll probably think it’s pretty cool. The computer is a Tivo so I can record all my favorite shows if I had any. And if I missed something, I can rewind. So I guess it won’t be too bad.

But until then Justin, I’ll stick with the 20th century. Hey I think Home Alone is on cable, can we ‘get-tivo’ it?

Martha–It’s Not A Good Thing

I know this may come as a shock to some of you, but I’m a pretty good cook. Cooking, baking, cassaroling, I can do it all. I take pride in my yummy cinnabon cinnamon rolls. Just ask Justin. Every time I make them he mumbles, “These are the best yet!” And then he scarfs down 4 of them. That recipe isn’t for the weak. It takes prep time. So if you’ve got 2-3 hours on a weekend morning, just ask and I’ll give it to you for a small charge.

However, there is a difference between cooking and baking. The microwave cooks it doesn’t bake. Jessi cooks and bakes but that isn’t the difference. You bake things like cakes, rolls or cinnamon rolls. You cook things like steaks, beef stew and noodles. I’ve associated it with baking yummy sweet things and cooking hearty dinner type foods. I’ve never messed up cooking. But I have had 2 incidents while baking. My self-esteem was shot there for a while after those incidents, but I got the nerve to bake again–with counseling. As part of my therapy I will tell you what they were and how they affected me.

1) I wanted a bagel. I didn’t have a job but I had a cookbook. Betty Crocker made it look so easy as she does with everything. So with plenty of time on my hands I decided to make some bagels. In hindsight, I should have just scrounged up the 95 cents and just bought one, but I was a doe head and confident enough to think I could do it. I made the dough and everything was working great. The excitement was growing. Until the instructions said broil for 2-5 minutes. Um, I’d never broiled before and I didn’t even know what it was. I assumed it was some baking term for ‘bake really close to the oven unit.’ So that’s what I did. Almost choking to death with blackened bagel smoke, I scrapped bagel making forever. Boy does Einstein and his brother have a tough job.

2) I wanted to be Martha Stewart one Halloween. No not be her, but I wanted to be crafty and creative like her. I found a recipe on her website for a pumpkin shaped cake. Oh it looked so good and I thought to myself ‘everyone at work will just love me if I waltz in with this.’ “Yes, yes I made it. Oh it was very simple!”

But it wasn’t and I should have written to her and complained that her recipes aren’t up to the standard of me, putting all the blame on her where it belonged. I also should have known that her recipes are for women who don’t work and have a kitchen the size of Wyoming. I had to buy all the ingredients because I didn’t own any of them. This wasn’t the standard chocolate chip cookies, this monster pumpkin was bigger than any chocolate chip cookie.

I started off great, following the directions. But I had two different pans so my final product didn’t line up. And the amount of chocolate that was supposed to be between the layers was well, too much. What a waste. And I should have just bought frosting, that’s a whole other disappointment. Basically the cake looked horrendous. But if you just cut it into slices, it tasted surprisingly good. Ok Martha, I give you that and that’s it!

So the second failure had a better ending, I could still eat it. And thinking back I remember Justin mumbling, “Hey, it still tastes great.” With his loving comments, food in his mouth or not, I have been able to get past my 2 failures with baking. Maybe I should give my cinnabon cinnamon roll recipe to Martha for payback for the cake fiasco. “Try to make those Missy!” Then we are even.

Justin’s Favorite Thai Iced Coffee

Justin has never been a real coffee drinker. Whenever I make a latte at home, he might have one but with lots of splenda in it. He’s more of a hot chocolate drinker. Thats me on a cold, rainy day.

But we recently went to Minnesota and we hung out with some good friends. Jason is an old college friend who never really sleeps. And to keep his computer hacking skills at their finest even when he’s living on 2 hours of sleep, he drinks really strong coffee. One day we were visiting and he was drinking a Thai coffee drink. Justin thought it looked good so he tried it. Now he’s hooked. So to thank Jason, Justin blogged his mad Thai coffee making skills and I bring it to you with limited commercial interuptions.

Recipe: Thai Iced Coffee (Vietnamese preparation as well)

subtitle: Starbucks, drink your heart out!

So here it is, Jason’s famous iced coffee recipe — ripped off by myself (which has also been ripped off of every Thai restaurant in the world).

Here’s what you need:
-Ice
-Coffee (double shot/two parts)
-2 Tbsp. (one serving/one part) Sweetened Condensed Milk (full-fat, low-fat, fat- free, etc.)

Optional: Hammer & sandwich bag (for crushing ice if you like it that way and don’t have a crushed ice ice-maker)

Steps:

1. If you want crushed ice and don’t have a crusher built into your refridgerator, you can simply load a baggie with some ice and smash it with a hammer. If your hammer is nasty you may find it best to double bag. I’ve found that a full tray of ice, crushed, will get me 2-3 servings, depending on how big of a glass I use.

2. Fill your glass 2/3 with ice.

3. Prepare your coffee maker however you like with whatever coffee you like. I have an espresso/cappuccino maker, so I like to do a double shot. Whatever you do, it’s better STRONG.

4. Add the coffee to the glass or espresso shot. You don’t need to use a lot of coffee because the ice will melt when you add it.

5. Add one serving of sweetened condensed milk.

6. Stir

See now you can become a mad Iced Coffee maker, Thai or not.

Tysdal and the Triscuit Factory

Once upon a time there was a young boy named Tysdal. Tysdal was very popular while he marched in Phantom Regiment for 5 years. He was talented, funny, from South Dakota and had a problem with certain words. Not problems such as you and I have. You know, remembering certain ones, how to spell them, and using words that would kill your mom if she heard them. We all need to work on that.

No, Tysdal’s problem was that he kinda slurred some words. Not really a lisp but more of a slur. It wasn’t a Texas drawl either. Remember Tysdal was from N.D., far from Texas, however weird they both may be.

Tysdal’s friends were really good friends especially his Drum Corps friends. He always had someone to sit with at meal times. He was never laughed at when he played the wrong notes. No, his friends were true friends. And what made them even more special to him was they never made fun of his slurred problem. They spoke to him like there was nothing wrong, until one late night on the bus.

It was dark and his friends were sleeping. Everyone worked so hard that day so they deserved the rest. Tysdal was hungry and decided to have a snack. Being a good friend he thought he’d offer it to all of his friends. “Hey, does anyone want a trishkit? A trishkit, does anyone want one?” But to his surprise no one responded and so he asked his sleeping friends again a little louder this time, “Does anyone want a trishkit?” “SHUT THE F*** UP! NO ONE WANTS A F****** TRISCUIT,” a sleeping friend yelled. Tysdal was a little shocked by this comment. Here he was being generous and giving and no one appreciated it.

But it did not get Tysdal down. He stuck with his friends and his friends stuck with him. However, things changed a little bit. They started to make fun of his slurred handicap, but they were still good friends. And he knew that friendship was more important than a trishkit.

Just Humming Along

In Texas, everything is bigger. In Las Vegas, everything is bigger but with chrome. We have a lot of high rollers here. Some are real and some are pretending. If they are good at pretending, then you’d never know they were faking. Unless the car gives it away. One very common car that gives it away the Taurus. This would be a normal, family sedan but somehow it has become a pimped out vehicle. Dark tint, lots of chrome and many dents. That is the common pretend ‘high roller’ car here in Vegas.

But remember those high rollers I told you about–the real ones. They drive things like Mercedes, Lotus’ and Hummers. A Mercedes, fine, it’s a nice brand of vehicle if you take care of them. Keep them clean and looking as expensive as possible. The Lotus, I only brought that up because my friend Aaron has one. You’d think it’s a clown car by looking at it. It’s very small–it’s a wee one. You’d think for so much money you’d get something bigger, but in this case no, wee.

On the other hand, the Hummer started off big and 3 models later, they are still big. I guess the H3 is a little smaller than my house, but they are selling it as “baby bears” size from the Goldie Locks story. Oh, cute it was just right.

I recently witnessed the Hummer (original) try to act like it’s little sister, the H3. I pulled into the drive-thru at the local coffee shop and she pulled in behind me. Not a big deal except she blocked the whole driveway for the other parked people to get out. Number 1. Number 2, I don’t think she could see me in my little WRX because she kept creaping when I wasn’t even moving. Number 3, when the drive-thru line turned to head to the window, she couldn’t make the turn AT ALL. She curbed it.

Now I’ve owned a jeep before and I would purposely curb it, but my turning radius was much better than any Geo or Kia ever made. So it was more fun for me. But this woman had to do it. I almost wished that she just scraped the side of her Hummer because she was on the phone too. If she can afford to talk on the phone and drive such a beast in a drive-thru made for cars like mine and order starbucks with 3 splenda’s, then she can afford a few scratches.

So all you high rollers, fake or not, clown cars or monster beasts, please watch out for us non-high rollers. We don’t want to have to sue you.

Barenaked Ladies–Men


Don’t get the wrong idea here. This isn’t a post on naked ladies. Sorry my male readers, maybe one day. I’d like to introduce you to my friends, The Barenaked Ladies (again, myspace helped our friendship grow). They aren’t new and I’m sure most of you have heard atleast one of their songs. One Week, Another Postcard and It’s All Been Done (a-woo-hoo-hoo). But they have some other songs that the radio doesn’t even consider. Maybe it’s because they are Canadian. Well that can’t be right because Bryan Adams is on the radio (except he sucks).

It’s too bad that BNL’s song don’t do well in mainstream. It seems that they get one, maybe two songs off of a new album played and then that’s the end of it. But let me assure you, that’s not the end of their great music.

Let me start with the first album I got, Stunt. The year was 1998 and I had just got back from Drum Corps. One Week just came out and everyone was talking about the crazy “chicky-china” lyrics. So I had to buy the album to find out what that was all about. I was very happy with my purchase because the rest of the album was just as original as “chicky-china” lyrics. With songs like Alcohol, In the Car and Who Needs Sleep,I’d never heard lyrics and stories like this in a musical format. I Loved it!

“Alcohol, my permanent accessory
Alcohol, a party time necessity
Alcohol, alternative to feeling like yourself
O Alcohol, I still drink to your health.”

The second album was of course the next one in line, Maroon. Not to be confused with Maroon 5. Those Canadian’s can sure sings some crazy songs. I loved the Conventioneers. It’s a typical love story, boy meets girl (at work), they play scrabble, they do it, now work is akward. Oh so tender!

Since they had been around for a while and had many songs, they decided to do a greatest hits. It was a new cd for me. I only owned 2 of their albums and they had 3 prior to that. So it made sense for me to get the greatest hits. And now I love those songs too. So having an account on Amazon.com will help when I finally pick up those 3 cd’s.

Next it was a few years before Everything to Everyone came out. I had basically scratched my two cd’s from playing them so much. I had to replace them! But this album made the wait worth it. You’ve got to give a band credit when they can sing a song about shopping. SHOPPING!

“Well you know that it’s going to be alright
I think it’s gonna be alright
Everything will always be alright
When we go shopping.”

See they do understand the importance of shopping. Everything will be alright.

“So shutup
And never stop
Let’s shop
Until we drop”

Now you want to listen to it huh? It’s a good album, trust me.

And if you aren’t into some of these songs that I mentioned, don’t worry they tackle the important stuff like falling asleep at the wheel, one million dollars (if I had a million dollars….I’d stop working) and the war on drugs.

So you get it all with the Barenaked Ladies. Oh and the song Alcohol is fun to sing it drunk at a karaoke bar.

Business Cards Beware

You know you’ve done it. At your favorite Mexican restaurant, sandwich shop, even at the movie theater. You drop your business card into the fish bowl hoping to win that free beaner, turkey sandwich or that matinee. But months go by with no word. You can’t understand why, they have your phone number even your e-mail address. But you just have to keep paying for that beaner.

Then one day, you get a call. You’re a little thrown off by it. “How did you get my name and number?” Then it hits you. You’ll never win that turkey sandwich but you just won yourself a recruiter call! Who’s the big winner here? You are with a potentially great job from Citigroup! Oh thank heaven they called me at work asking me if I was looking for something in the management field at one of their many new locations. Because you know, I’m a video designer (it says so on my business card) and sales is pretty close to what I’m doing now. I’m not entirely sure if Adan Saldana, 672-0645, knew what a video designer was, but I’m sure it meant that I was management material.

Yes, I’m bossy and I enjoy being in control of directionless people, but not at this stage in my career. Give me another year. He told me that his associate, Leo Gilaine, gave him my card. Leo knows a lot of people. I don’t know Leo and it’s not possible that I would know Leo. I only give my business cards out to some friends and family. I have a box of 500 cards. What else is a video designer supposed to do with them? “Here’s my business card Grandma, if you ever need help with something.” Um, my grandma doesn’t even know how to turn on the computer. So helping her ‘video design’ isn’t going to happen.

But Leo knew that I was smart and bright. Of course I am! He wrote that on the back of my business card, according to Adan. Flattered, I took his name and number and told him that “I’m confused” and offered to call him back later. I think I’ll call him back demanding my free beaner. Actually, it was a sub.

Sidenote: This call did happen at work. Adan made sure he said my name numerous times, like a good sales person does (except it’s not Fo-eell, Adan). And it took some freaking out time after the call to realize that Jimmy John’s Sandwich Shop was the culprit. The one and only time I dropped my card in for a free yummy club lulu, I got this call. So please, keep those cards to yourself. Or at least your friends and family.