{"id":2065,"date":"2015-08-17T10:00:49","date_gmt":"2015-08-17T15:00:49","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.foell.org\/justin\/?p=2065"},"modified":"2015-08-17T10:35:39","modified_gmt":"2015-08-17T15:35:39","slug":"the-drunken-2-year-old","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.foell.org\/justin\/the-drunken-2-year-old\/","title":{"rendered":"The drunken 2-year-old"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>No I haven&#8217;t been giving my 2-year-old wine, scotch, or beer. The point is, I don&#8217;t have to. She acts like a drunk 24\/7. If you don&#8217;t believe me, I present for your amusement, the ways a 2-year-old is like a drunk&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>They&#8217;re easily incited. If a chant is started, they&#8217;ll quickly join in, whether or not the chant goal meets their needs, they just want to join in the fun.<\/p>\n<p><span class=\"embed-youtube\" style=\"text-align:center; display: block;\"><iframe loading=\"lazy\" class=\"youtube-player\" width=\"770\" height=\"434\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/18eaNSxhK5c?version=3&#038;rel=1&#038;showsearch=0&#038;showinfo=1&#038;iv_load_policy=1&#038;fs=1&#038;hl=en-US&#038;autohide=2&#038;start=138&#038;wmode=transparent\" allowfullscreen=\"true\" style=\"border:0;\" sandbox=\"allow-scripts allow-same-origin allow-popups allow-presentation allow-popups-to-escape-sandbox\"><\/iframe><\/span><br \/>\n<!--more--><br \/>\nThey slur their speech. New parents and greek house members quickly catch on to <em>drunk-ese<\/em> and can translate for those who are otherwise intelligently sober.<\/p>\n<p>They will repeat themselves ad nauseum. You will likely have to verbally acknowledge what they&#8217;re saying or simply tell them to be quiet to get them to stop.<\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/screen.yahoo.com\/drunk-girl-holiday-advice-000000076.html?format=embed\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" frameborder=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>They&#8217;re riding an emotional roller-coaster. One moment it&#8217;s hysterical laughter, the next moment they&#8217;re crying uncontrollably. Your particular drunk (or 2-year-old) may have a propensity for anger and violence. Steer clear or you might get hit, slapped, punched, kicked, or bitten.<\/p>\n<p><a class=\"thickbox\" href=\"https:\/\/www.foell.org\/justin\/files\/2015\/08\/marlo_tantrum.jpg\" rel=\"gallery-2065\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" data-attachment-id=\"2072\" data-permalink=\"https:\/\/www.foell.org\/justin\/the-drunken-2-year-old\/marlo_tantrum\/\" data-orig-file=\"https:\/\/www.foell.org\/justin\/files\/2015\/08\/marlo_tantrum.jpg\" data-orig-size=\"2448,3264\" data-comments-opened=\"1\" data-image-meta=\"{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;0&quot;}\" data-image-title=\"marlo_tantrum\" data-image-description=\"\" data-image-caption=\"\" data-medium-file=\"https:\/\/www.foell.org\/justin\/files\/2015\/08\/marlo_tantrum-225x300.jpg\" data-large-file=\"https:\/\/www.foell.org\/justin\/files\/2015\/08\/marlo_tantrum-768x1024.jpg\" class=\"alignnone size-large wp-image-2072\" src=\"https:\/\/www.foell.org\/justin\/files\/2015\/08\/marlo_tantrum-768x1024.jpg\" alt=\"marlo_tantrum\" width=\"768\" height=\"1024\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.foell.org\/justin\/files\/2015\/08\/marlo_tantrum-768x1024.jpg 768w, https:\/\/www.foell.org\/justin\/files\/2015\/08\/marlo_tantrum-225x300.jpg 225w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 768px) 100vw, 768px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>They think they can dance. This is the single most entertaining thing about drunks and 2-year-olds. I could watch a toddler dance all day long. I myself have thought I could dance on occasion while inebriated. I&#8217;m sure the others around me were both embarrassed and delighted by the spectacle.<\/p>\n<figure id=\"attachment_2067\" class=\"wp-caption thumbnail alignnone\" style=\"width: 335px;\">\n\t\t\t\t<a class=\"thickbox\" rel=\"gallery-2065\" href=\"https:\/\/www.foell.org\/justin\/files\/2015\/08\/beer-helping-white-guys-dance-funny-retro-poster.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" data-attachment-id=\"2067\" data-permalink=\"https:\/\/www.foell.org\/justin\/the-drunken-2-year-old\/beer-helping-white-guys-dance-funny-retro-poster\/\" data-orig-file=\"https:\/\/www.foell.org\/justin\/files\/2015\/08\/beer-helping-white-guys-dance-funny-retro-poster.jpg\" data-orig-size=\"335,488\" data-comments-opened=\"1\" data-image-meta=\"{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;0&quot;}\" data-image-title=\"beer-helping-white-guys-dance-funny-retro-poster\" data-image-description=\"\" data-image-caption=\"\" data-medium-file=\"https:\/\/www.foell.org\/justin\/files\/2015\/08\/beer-helping-white-guys-dance-funny-retro-poster-206x300.jpg\" data-large-file=\"https:\/\/www.foell.org\/justin\/files\/2015\/08\/beer-helping-white-guys-dance-funny-retro-poster.jpg\" class=\"wp-image-2067 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/www.foell.org\/justin\/files\/2015\/08\/beer-helping-white-guys-dance-funny-retro-poster.jpg\" alt=\"beer-helping-white-guys-dance-funny-retro-poster\" width=\"335\" height=\"488\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.foell.org\/justin\/files\/2015\/08\/beer-helping-white-guys-dance-funny-retro-poster.jpg 335w, https:\/\/www.foell.org\/justin\/files\/2015\/08\/beer-helping-white-guys-dance-funny-retro-poster-206x300.jpg 206w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 335px) 100vw, 335px\" \/><\/a>\n\t\t\t\t<figcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Image Source: <a href=\"http:\/\/www.allposters.com\/-sp\/Beer-Helping-White-Guys-Dance-Funny-Retro-Poster-Posters_i8837487_.htm\">AllPosters.com<\/a><\/figcaption>\n\t\t\t<\/figure>\n<p>It&#8217;s just a matter of time before they&#8217;ll fall down. I actually like to play a game when I see a toddler running. I simply count. I keep counting until they fall down. It&#8217;s usually not more than 60 seconds. 30 seconds is a good run, but sooner or later they&#8217;ll hit the pavement. Drunks aren&#8217;t much different but they have a greater mastery of the &#8216;wobble.&#8217; They&#8217;ll use whatever is at their disposal: walls, sign-posts, furniture, other people &#8211; to stay upright.<\/p>\n<p>It&#8217;s also just a matter of time before they pee themselves.<\/p>\n<p><a class=\"thickbox\" href=\"https:\/\/www.foell.org\/justin\/files\/2015\/08\/pics_girl-too-drunk.jpg\" rel=\"gallery-2065\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" data-attachment-id=\"2069\" data-permalink=\"https:\/\/www.foell.org\/justin\/the-drunken-2-year-old\/pics_girl-too-drunk\/\" data-orig-file=\"https:\/\/www.foell.org\/justin\/files\/2015\/08\/pics_girl-too-drunk.jpg\" data-orig-size=\"400,240\" data-comments-opened=\"1\" data-image-meta=\"{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}\" data-image-title=\"pics_girl-too-drunk\" data-image-description=\"\" data-image-caption=\"\" data-medium-file=\"https:\/\/www.foell.org\/justin\/files\/2015\/08\/pics_girl-too-drunk-300x180.jpg\" data-large-file=\"https:\/\/www.foell.org\/justin\/files\/2015\/08\/pics_girl-too-drunk.jpg\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-2069\" src=\"https:\/\/www.foell.org\/justin\/files\/2015\/08\/pics_girl-too-drunk.jpg\" alt=\"pics_girl-too-drunk\" width=\"400\" height=\"240\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.foell.org\/justin\/files\/2015\/08\/pics_girl-too-drunk.jpg 400w, https:\/\/www.foell.org\/justin\/files\/2015\/08\/pics_girl-too-drunk-300x180.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>Be safe when you&#8217;re drinking folks and take care of yo&#8217; babies!<\/p>\n<div class='kindleWidget kindleLight' ><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/www.foell.org\/justin\/wp-content\/plugins\/send-to-kindle\/media\/white-15.png\" \/><span>Send to Kindle<\/span><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>No I haven&#8217;t been giving my 2-year-old wine, scotch, or beer. The point is, I don&#8217;t have to. She acts like a drunk 24\/7. If you don&#8217;t believe me, I present for your amusement, the ways a 2-year-old is like a drunk&#8230; They&#8217;re easily incited. If a chant is started, they&#8217;ll quickly join in, whether&hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/www.foell.org\/justin\/the-drunken-2-year-old\/\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"My drunken 2-year-old","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[3,115],"tags":[37,110],"class_list":["post-2065","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-casual","category-fatherhood","tag-beer","tag-kids"],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.foell.org\/justin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2065","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.foell.org\/justin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.foell.org\/justin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.foell.org\/justin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.foell.org\/justin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2065"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"https:\/\/www.foell.org\/justin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2065\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2077,"href":"https:\/\/www.foell.org\/justin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2065\/revisions\/2077"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.foell.org\/justin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2065"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.foell.org\/justin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2065"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.foell.org\/justin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2065"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}