At some point during my college years, I started using a reverse-psychology approach with women I knew (usually girlfriends) – telling them they couldn’t do something – in hopes that they’d be motivated to prove me wrong.

Ask my wife – this is the wrong approach. Reverse psychology only works on a certain type of person, usually enemies, and (hopefully) they’re not the majority. People want to be built up, not torn down. The other bad part of this reverse-psychology habit was that as I told women that they couldn’t do something, I was slowly and subconsciously telling myself that they couldn’t.

I had to stop doing it. Then, a wake-up call came. I learned I’d be having a daughter. Was this my punishment for my transgressions? Would this mean all of the secrets of the female psyche would be revealed to me? Probably not. But I want to make sure both my son and daughter, if they choose to follow my footsteps into a technology field, are both given the same opportunities and the same treatment.

As soon as I learned I was having a daughter, the articles about sexism in tech became immediately more personal and relevant. A lot of attention had recently been paid to conferences, female speakers (or lack there-of), and conference behavior. I took this all to heart as I was planning a conference that was held right before my daughter was born – WordCamp. I made a conscious effort to have a good representation of women speakers.

In the WordPress community, it’s not difficult to find and meet amazing women doing amazing things. Look at Lisa Sabin-Wilson, my neighbor to the east – she wrote a book. I’ve thought about writing a book – but she actually did it! However, you don’t have to be a superstar or “internet famous” to add to the conversation. Maybe that’s why I enjoy working with the WordPress community. It’s easy to meet all types of people doing great things.

Even though WordPress is written in PHP, I found that there’s a big difference between these two communities. I’ve only been to two PHP conferences: php|tek in the mid-aughts and most recently MidwestPHP 2012. At both conferences, the only female speaker was Sara Golemon. Maybe it was just coincidence. Sara is a highly respected contributor to the PHP community and she’s also a published author. But my feelings concluded that she had become the token female spokesperson for PHP conferences.

So what can we (especially men) do? First you need to change your mind. If you don’t have a daughter, imagine one of the few girls in your technology field as if she were. Is she being treated fairly? Are you treating her fairly?

Then start leveraging your power for good. Be your own superhero. If you’re organizing a conference, go out of your way to include women. Pay it forward: my business partner teaches a class called Black Girls Code. For those who don’t know him, he is neither black, nor a girl. If you’re involved with the interview process at work, bring some women in. I guarantee they’ll bring new perspective to your old boys club. It may only take a couple of GI Jane’s in a male-dominated field to turn the tide and welcome a new wave of female geeks.

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This was Monday. Tuesday morning, contractions started but were sporadic so I called my doula to let her know. She told me to keep her informed and go to my appointment. We went my appointment where baby and I passed everything. They wanted to talk about an induction but I had to say I was already  in labor, however, the non-stress test didn’t pick up any of the contractions I was having. I wasn’t getting credit, but they were there!

While this labor was mostly different, the only thing the same was the back labor. It was just as bad as I remembered with Jules.

So we left saying we’ll probably see her – my Doctor – later that night. Contractions were still sporadic but were finally picking up intensity. I managed to nap for a bit but eventually sitting or laying down was too painful. So I spent about 2 hours pacing and hanging onto the doorway when the contractions really picked up. They’d be 5 minutes apart, then 10, then 5, then 3, etc. They were all over the place.

Eventually, I had Justin call the Doula to have her come by. The back labor was too intense and I wanted her to help me get through them or at least offer suggestions to turn the baby. At this point, the contractions were 5 minutes apart. But within a contraction or two, they went to 2-3 minutes and I said we had to go. Now.

Justin called her back to say we were heading to the hospital and for her to meet us there. He also called the hospital to let them know we were coming. Thankfully the hospital is only about 5 miles away. I had 3 contractions in the car that were extremely uncomfortable (ok, painful) that I took off my seat belt and yelled at him to run the lights and stop signs. He needed to get there FAST. But then I had to tell him to slow down, it was freaking me out.

We quickly got to the labor and delivery floor and they wanted me to fill out paperwork. I made it through one sheet before they saw the contractions were basically back to back so they took me to the room – the same room Jules was born in.

The nurses realized I was probably further along so they started filling the pool. One checked me after a painful contraction and I was at 9 cm. They quickly called my Doctor and my Doula and told everyone to hurry. I got in the pool before it was even half way filled. It was nice and calming when I didn’t have a contraction but since the baby never turned the back labor was intense and no position helped. My Doula came running in minutes before I started pushing.

I tried to relax as much as I could and the water did help but once a contraction hit, I was doing everything to avoid the pain. I’d tense up then have to be told to relax and breath. Thankfully, I only had 3 or 4 contractions in the water before I started pushing – which honestly, didn’t make things feel better. I really, really had to focus. My Doctor, Doula and nurses were all cheering me on but I felt helpless and basically asked for guidance. They kept reassuring me I was almost done. It was hard to believe at the moment but in reality, I was only in the water for maybe 10 or 15 minutes total and I was almost done.

What I loved about the water was that it was mostly private. My business wasn’t up in the air getting poked, prodded or cut unnecessarily.  My Doctor just hung out at the end of the pool watching and cheering me on.*

Everyone told Justin to move to the front of the pool to catch the baby. And with two contractions, I pushed Marlo Jane out. Justin grabbed her from the water and handed her to me. She was so tiny, calm and didn’t cry. The transition to the water was obviously a benefit for her. Everyone was shocked at how fast it all happened, including us. We got to the hospital around 8pm and she was born at 8:45. Talk about fast and furious!

She and I hung out in the tub and relaxed for a while. They eventually cut the cord and handed her to Justin while I had to get out to finish up the delivery. I was amazed I was even able to walk but I felt great compared to the first time around (where I felt like I’d been hit by a truck for days afterwards).

Jules was so excited to meet his new sibling. We waited to tell him in person if it was a boy or girl. He had been saying it was a girl since the beginning. So when he walked in, we said “You have a baby sister!” After so many boys in our family, everyone was excited for a baby girl including Jules.

She’s tiny at 6 lbs but she’s a mini Jules in looks. Everyone commented they love her name, “Oh like Marlo Thomas!” and Justin kept saying “Who’s Marlo Thomas?!” We wanted another name that wasn’t too unusual, that wasn’t common and not a “J” name. Although, we did pick a “J” for her middle name. Jules can’t remember her name. He wanted to name her Wilson. I have a feeling her nickname will be Wilson.

Afterwards, my Doula stopped by and wanted to know what I thought. She felt bad that she wasn’t there for me but really, it happened so fast that I assumed once at the hospital, I’d be laboring in the tub for hours. But I’m happy that 1) we got there in time and 2) she was able to help me cope at THE WORST point possible. She said I must have a high tolerance for pain but felt like such a wimp at some points.

In the end it made for a great birth story. Welcome baby girl, Marlo!

(*While the hospital had done a bunch of water births, Marlo and I were the first to be delivered by my practice. They were excited and plan on using some of our photos.)

Welcome to the absolute homestretch. Actually, my first due date was yesterday but they moved it to next week at my 20-week appointment so I can really go anytime. I thought the way I was progressing I’d be done sooner than later, but alas, I’m still here. Since Jules was basically right on time, I’m anticipating going past the due date with this one. And I’m fine with that!

We’re doing things a little differently with the birth of this one. Nothing drastic. I’ll still deliver at the same hospital as Jules but they’ve revamped their procedures to allow for more natural birth even if you’re plug in with IV’s and anything synthetic. They are basically becoming more of an actual birth center than a hospital. AND one of my Doctors will deliver. Phew!

Jules is still excited. He thinks it’s a girl and that we’ll name her Wilson Robert. While I think his world is about to turn upside down, overall he’ll be fine. It helps that he’s older. I couldn’t imagine doing this again with him 2 years or younger.

And for the end-of-the-road belly shot:

Weight gain is normal but it’s all in my face!

Or is it?

As my mother-in-law once said while pregnant with Jules, “She’s all boobs and belly.”

I would never plan a 3 month-long engagement because I don’t think it’s enough time to plan a decent wedding and maintain your sanity. Weddings only happen once (if you do it right). Get it right the first time.

Like young, naive lovers, WordCamp organizers also need to suppress their hormones. We tend to get over-excited about WordPress – like evangelists that have been given a free podium. Pocket your emotions, and follow the advice from those who have come before you.

This post could serve both groups as a guide on how fools rush in. It’s possible to plan something this big in 3 months, but believe you-me, it is much less stress to take your time. I wish we had followed this advice – but we didn’t. In 3 months, despite the odds, we still managed to pull things off.

Let’s do a WordCamp!

Since no one had organized a WordCamp in the Twin Cities since 2010, fellow MSPWP member Kiko Doran decided he would say “I do” – just to get the ball rolling. I decided to join him. My business partner, John Hawkins, has been organizing WordCamp Las Vegas since 2009. I figured he’d be a good resource to tap for questions. Besides, how hard can it be?!?

Kiko originally chose the date: 4/20. It came with an obvious Rastafarian theme, and he even had a logo put together before we locked in a venue:

WordCamp Rule #1

The first rule about WordCamp is that you don’t plan anything until you have a venue. Before Christmas in 2012, Kiko and I visited the downtown library and had the booking company save the date. Right before Christmas we were informed the space wasn’t available. The Friends of the Library get free reign of library rentals (as they should), and already had 4/20 wrapped up.

We quickly made an appointment with Minneapolis Community & Technical College, gracious host of the MSPWP un-conference event WordUP! They wouldn’t be able to meet until the first week of January. I wanted to keep our search momentum up, so we scheduled a visit to the University of St. Thomas (my alma-mater) around the same time.

St. Thomas’s downtown campus is great but all of the available large rooms were strangely spread out on different floors or in separate buildings. MCTC has a great space, and wanted to help sponsor the event. They weren’t available on 4/20 either, so our date had to be moved a week later to 4/27, which created scheduling challenges for my family in particular, but the show must go on!

Keep Calm and Carry On

After securing a venue things got crazy. We enlisted several people from MSPWP to help out. We let our organizing committee members run with whatever roles they felt they’d excel at. And excel they did! We had specialists for sponsors, venues, catering, and swag. Not to mention the normal kick-ass web development and design that comes with a group of WordPress geeks. I sincerely hope we can assemble a similar team next year.

We did a weekly conference call to make sure things were on track, and used Basecamp for all other communications during the week. I do believe the regular week-in week-out activity helped us keep our hormones in check.

The conference’s last day was 4/28 which was the due date of my wife’s pregnancy. Thankfully, she made it through the weekend labor-free.

Lessons Learned

If I learned anything, it would be to start planning a full year in advance. I think Kiko realized this as he started to talk to me about 2014 before the 2013 event had officially started. I like his enthusiasm but insisted that we first make it through our reboot of this conference before discussing the next year.

I hope we can continue to build long-lasting relationships so the whole community can benefit from a great event like WordCamp. One great partnership has been MCTC. They’re looking to add a WordPress course to their curriculum, and we hope that they can be a long time venue sponsor of WordCamp in the Twin Cities.

Also don’t expect that you, as an organizer, will get to enjoy the event. This same principle applies to a wedding. The best outcome you can have is that your guests enjoy themselves.

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But that’s not all. I just took on another project at work that I hope to get done before I’m out for the next few months. AND I have to move a website over to a new server before the end of the month. What was I thinking?!

The good thing is, really, I just have to make it through this weekend – the rest I can pass to my new temporary co-worker. Thankfully, my office hired someone to mostly do my work while I’m out. So I just need to spend these last few weeks training and generally taking it easy.

The girls from work had a baby shower for me. A very generous event even for a second baby (a baby we’ll find out the sex the day it’s born). It was a nice break and so nice to have friends gather for me and my little one. I only teared up once.

I can’t put my socks on. I’m ready for sandals but not ready to show my white legs. I want the snow to melt and I want it a bit warmer before I go into labor. Is that so much to ask for, Minnesota? (And don’t tell me I can move. I can’t. Not today at least.)

Schedule C

For most people getting started on their own, there is the “Schedule C.” You pay your 15.3% Medicare & Social Security, plus your income tax quarterly, and hope everything works out on tax day. This is a great way for anyone to feel the “pain” of how much you actually pay in taxes. It can hurt so much that you’ll wonder if there’s a better way, and there is. Enter the S-Corp.

S-Corp

It stands for “Subchapter S Corporations” and is commonly referred to as a “Sub S” or “S-Corp.” I believe the “S” actually stands for “Shareholder.” It is also known as the “Newt Gingrich/John Edwards Loophole” as they helped bring it into law.

As an S-Corp, instead of filing one return, each shareholder files two: a normal W-2 and profit-share filing called a K-1. You take your total profits for the year and split it into two categories for each of these forms: Wages & Earnings (respectively). It’s up to you how to split this: 25/75, 35/65, 50/50 – and there-in lies the loophole.

You can opt to pay yourself less than “reasonable compensation” for your W-2 and save more. The IRS knows this, so as soon as you send in the S-Corp election paperwork, they’ll send you an ominous letter like this:

However, it’s not all doom-and-gloom. A good starting point to split wages & earnings is 50/50 and you still stand to save some money.

A Simple Comparison

This is an oversimplified example using a Minnesotan making $50,000 a year paying taxes at a 25% federal income tax rate and a 7.05% Minnesota income tax rate.

Schedule C

Income: $50,000
Less Social Sec. / Medicare ($7650 @ 15.3%): $42,350
Less Fed. Income Tax ($10,587 @ 25%): $31763
Less MN Income Tax ($2,239 @ 7.05%): $29,254

S-Corp

Income: $50,0000

Earnings (K-1): $25,000
Less Fed. Income Tax ($6,250 @ 25%): $18,750
Less MN Income Tax ($1,321 @ 7.05%): $17,429

Wages (W-2): $25,000
Less Social Sec. / Medicare ($3,825 @ 15.3%): $21,175
Less Unemployment Tax ($105 @ 0.5%): $21,070
Less Fed. Income Tax ($5,267 @ 25%): $15,803
Less MN Income Tax ($1,114 @ 7.05%): $14,869

That leaves you with $32k rather than $29k. With tax preparation costs somewhere between $300-$700, it’s still worth it. My tax preparer, Randy Valtinson at Central Tax Service, charges $400 to do my S-Corp filing. He’s a S-Corp evangelist if I’ve ever met one. I’m glad there are tax nerds like him out there fighting the good fight for us.

Timing it Right

Another word of advice. If you’re currently filing a Schedule C – time the switch to an S-Corp wisely. I did mine in the middle of the year – not smart. I continued to pay my quarterly taxes at my Schedule C rate and added unemployment tax payments on top of that. It was a tough year that made me doubt that the S-Corp election was worth it. I didn’t feel any relief until a full tax year later.

Learn from my mistake. Your Schedule C should cease on December 31st and your S-Corp should start on January 1st. It will make life much easier for you, your tax preparer, and your wallet.

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Yes a nap after dinner.

So what if I was going to bed an hour later. I needed to nap. It probably has nothing to do with the fact that I wake up at 3:45 every morning and stay up until 5 then doze until my alarm forces me to get up.

Anyway, I’m in the home stretch (with no stretch marks!), baby is head down and I’m tired. The bassinet is set up in our room ready to go. The crib isn’t assembled but I’m not freaking out over it, yet. I only have 3 packs of diapers. Should probably buy more. Cloth diapers are out of storage and washed. However, I found that some of my newborn ones have stretched out elastic. What’s up with that!? Jules wore them for about 2 months! So now I get to fix them if I want to use them.

I’m participating in a :30 second video of my work this month. Everyday I take one second of video and at the end, I should have a short, visual representation of my work. I plan on tossing in a few belly shots mostly because I’m on weekly appointments now and without my job, I wouldn’t have great health coverage – or any health coverage.

Speaking of work, I have a few major projects due before this baby comes. Part of me is hoping the baby comes early so I can say “see ya suckers” but the other part, the more responsible part of me is trying to get it all done so I don’t have to say that. I’d like a job when I get back.

Here’s a belly shot:

And just for comparison, me at 38 weeks with Jules:

Ok, a lot can happen in two weeks so it’s not a really good comparison. Plus, I’m wearing super slimming black (ha!), but my face is puffy so you get the idea that I’m really bigger than I look.

And just for fun, we took Jules to a local tap room. On a Saturday night. Me, 8 months pregnant. It wasn’t embarrassing at all. But he and Justin enjoyed the beverages – the alcoholic and non-alcoholic kind. (Don’t fret, they were family friendly, but it was still weird for me.)